Where Butterflies Never Die
by TheWritingFreak
Summary: AU: The world is full of broken things: broken hearts, broken promises, and broken people. And sometimes, no matter how hard you wish otherwise, goodbyes really are forever. A story of love, friendship, & life and how to heal the wounds we acquire along the way. Rating may go up to M.


**So, this is a complete re-write of Traveling Soldier- plot, title, and all :) I hope you all enjoy- this is my New Year present for you guys.**

**AU: The world is full of broken things: broken hearts, broken promises, and broken people. And sometimes, no matter how hard you wish otherwise, goodbyes really are forever. A story of love, friendship, & life and how to heal the wounds we acquire along the way.**

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**Prologue  
**  
It's only when he is lying on his back, surrounded by a cloud of smoke and burned flesh that he really begins to reflect on why he's here in the first place- a broken promise, a dead best friend, and a guilty conscience that barely let him sleep at night. He came from a nice job, a nice dorm room, and all around nice life to fight a war that wasn't his.

The Army was supposed to be a way to escape- a way to make him feel like he was contributing something to the world other than his talent for basketball. It was an excuse to run far, far away from his life and not have anybody judge him for it.

Surprisingly enough the biggest adjustment was the heat. Sure, there were a lot of hot summers in North Carolina but the scorching deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq were a huge leap from the usually tame coastal climate. Especially when every soldier there had to lug their own weight in gear on their backs beneath an unforgiving sun, day in and day out.

The U.S. military covers their warriors in thick, heavy Kevlar and a backpack the size of a coffee table, instructing them to keep moving forward and never look back. Focus on the mission, save who you can, and get your men out so you can bring them home to their families. Nathan had the routine memorized.

At age twenty-five he wasn't quite where he thought he would be in life. Being an Army Sergeant in the middle of a war zone was a far cry from being at Duke University as a prospective NBA player. The old Nathan- the one who smiled and laughed and enjoyed being with people- had changed into a warrior, ready to do anything he needed to do to keep his men safe.

It all started with a phone call. The memory itself is hazy but losing Jake Jagielski- his best friend of sixteen years, had altered Nathan in a huge way and rendered his old dream of having a basketball career meaningless and forced him to make a new life for himself. A new dream. Nathan Scott was a different person than he had been four years ago- for better or for worse, it remained to be seen.

His parents had been conflicted and sad when he came home from college, a week after Jake had died, and informed them he had enlisted in the army. His mother Karen had cried and begged Nathan not to get himself killed as a part of some futile revenge mission and Keith remained quiet, waiting until his wife went to bed before handing his son a beer, a silent acceptance of his son's choice.

.._..

**August 4, 2009 **

They were centered in the chaos of battle, the sounds of yelling and the trampling of feet a backdrop for the popping of gunfire. Nathan panted, his gun heavy in his hands and his helmet loose on his head. He peeked around the wall of a torn up building and upon seeing no enemy forces, motioned to his fellow squad members.

_'The coast is clear. Go left- behind that building.'_

Beyond the ringing in his ears he could hear nothing and when the last of his men passed, he followed.

The scent of charred flesh made his nose curl as he rounded the corner, his body pressed against the rough wall and a glance around the battlefield revealed the cause of the smell- a pile of burned bodies. And in that moment it didn't matter that the bodies could have been enemies; what mattered was that they were humans who were fighting what they believed in.

He was suddenly brutally assaulted by a complete sensory overload. He saw nothing, smelled nothing, heard nothing, felt nothing. Not even the beating of his own heart. He thought he was dead; he knew he was.

So he lay there for a moment, convincing himself that he was dead. That the people around him were gone. That the universe had somehow imploded and taken the entire human race with it at an incredibly inopportune time.

Or, quite possibly, just him.

When his senses slowly began to return, it occurred to Nathan that maybe he was being a tad over-dramatic. He still couldn't see anything, couldn't really hear much other than muffled, far-off echoes, but he could smell. Nothing distinct, just a myriad of scents that choked his sinuses and made it almost impossible to inhale. Surely if he was dead, the world beyond this one would smell better than a burning pile of skin and garbage.

So he lay there as all hell broke loose around him and his world faded to black.

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"Scott? God damn it, don't you fucking die on me!"

A violent cough erupted from Nathan's lungs as he tried to blink away the layer of dirt caked to his eyelids. He found it nearly impossible to move upon trying, successful only in making his head swim and the world above spiral out of control. Each limb felt entirely too heavy for its own good and both of his ears rang.

A shapeless mass appeared overhead as a gust of wind cleared away some of the smoke blurring his vision. He was just barely able to make out the features of Corporal Chris Keller, smeared with dirt and what he assumed to be blood.

"Fuck," Nathan rasped, his voice sounding alien to his own ears as it clawed its way out of his throat.

Chris Keller almost laughed, visibly relieved that his friend was in good enough shape to cuss and sound pissed off while doing so. "Hold still, Nate. Don't move."

"I'm fine," Nathan murmured, squeezing both eyes shut in an attempt to clear her head. He wasn't in a lot of pain, but in the back of his mind he knew adrenaline was the only thing that stood between him and a world of hurt.

But he was alive. That was awesome.

"What happened?" Uttering those two simple words used up more energy than his six-mile perimeter jog each morning.

Keller looked in his pack and grabbed a spare shirt, tearing it in half and pressing one piece of it to an open wound on his head and packed the other into an open chest wound. "Multiple mortars, RPG, grenade...I-I don't know. Some kind of explosion."

"Thanks, Lieutenant Obvious," Nathan wheezed, cracking a weak smile.

Keller did a quick visual sweep of the injured man's body, trying not to show any outward reaction to what he saw. "This is going to hurt."

Nathan didn't even have the chance to ask what was supposed to hurt when a searing pain unlike anything he had ever felt before ripped through his body. It took a moment for him to realize that the sudden, loud noise erupting from nearby was actually his own attempt at screaming. It came out sounding more like a shrieking cat with asthma than a human being in pain.

Nathan coughed violently again, dismayed to recognize blood as it invaded his taste buds. His breath hitched in his chest and he could feel the substance bubbling up in the back of his throat. Dark red began oozing from the corner of his mouth as it became harder and harder to breathe. His hearing started to dissipate, something he knew was a bad thing from the medical class he was made to take in basic training. Losing consciousness was a very bad thing in situations like these.

Before long he was fighting to stay awake, knowing it would be only too easy to close his eyes and slip into a blissful, pain-free sleep. A sleep he would likely never wake up from again.

"I think his lung is collapsing," Keller shouted from somewhere above, though his words were nearly drowned out by the ringing in Nathan's ears.

Two more shapes appeared and he kept trying to tell them to forget about him right now, he would be fine. They needed to help the rest of their unit. Make sure they were uninjured and alive.

A medic held his neck immobile, the words leaving the man's mouth sounding like indistinguishable gibberish. He frowned at him, wondering why he was surrounded by a white mist. He was pretty sure smoke was supposed to be black.

It was so hard to breathe.

Before long the image of the medic began to fade, taking with it the rest of the world. Keller was yelling, grabbing Nathan by the chin and telling him to focus, to try and stay awake. But it was hard- too hard. He was so damn tired and his head was stuffed with cotton.

Keller patted the dark-haired man's cheek roughly, trying to keep him conscious. "Nate, I need you to keep your eyes open, okay? Look at me; you need to stay awake and keep breathing. Scott! God damn it..."

It was a losing battle. Nathan barely managed an incoherent mumble before the rest of the world dissolved into a pit of blackness and the sound of distant gunfire faded into silence.

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**Things will be explained in due time, I promise. I changed some canon things for a reason. Review please?**


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